Hi there
Yeh. It was about time for a new journal post..

I don't feel that productive in arts anymore lately.. I'm not sure whats going on.. When I'm actually drawing, since I have no time for painting :'(, I really enjoy it! But it seems I'm never really happy with the end results, or do not find them worthy enough to show others or upload on DeviantArt (even though there is lots more crap which is even worse in my gallery.. And people seem to disagree with me, they like my drawings..)

I don't have that much time anymore to make something good. I'm working 3-4, sometimes(like this week) even 5 days a week, and when I get home I'm tired and its too dark to work with colors.
My other days off work I'm spending on seeing my friends and get things done, and in the weekends I'm hanging around with Erik and then I feel bad when I'm hidden behind my desk or canvas.

Sometimes I feel really bad about all this. I had this dream about becoming better in drawing and painting, but nothing happend.
I took a year off school to work on this dream, but all my time is now in my work, keeping up with friends and family, and resting.
The last painting I did I started like half a year ago.. And it still isn't finished! I feel crap about most of my elder paintings.. I havent finished a new one since a year ago, maybee longer..

But I´m still hoping! Im still happy and positive.
Next week I´ll be visiting two or three art academics, to see if it fits me(since I have to go back to school this August/September).. There is one academy, which I really would love to go to.
It is called the "MIXacademy", its in Amsterdam.. A little academy, and by little I really mean LITTLE! I've been there one year ago, and I loved it right away. Paintbrushes and paintspots everywhere, lots of sketches and paintings laying everywhere, and the teacher there was really a nice guy. It's a very small building(only two or three classrooms), and about 20 students.. But I really did love it there! I felt home immediatly. But Im not sure yet..
Its not that you learn to become a *insert_job_here*.. You learn techniques for painting and drawing(and other crafts). And you also see what's in this "artists-world", and you're building up a portfolio. Its a two years education(but I think you can quit after one year too).
But it is not supported by the gouvernment, you really have to pay for everything yourself. And after this you still can't go to work, since this isnt preparing you for it, you only learning how to work with different styles, materials and techniques(but I think I need it, especially at this moment)..
Hmm, what do you think? Would I be wasting my time?
Or should I better start at some academy which is preparing me right away for a job?

I am still making pictures, and I upload some of them on my other DAaccount(Simbelmyne-Photos).. Now there are some spring-pics coming up
I can't wait for the returning light. I always liked winter more, I loved the colors and the warmth when you get back home after a cold winternight. But somehow I'm ready to go outside.
Now I love to sit on the grass, enjoying the sun, making fun with friends. And ofcourse most festivals are outside, which gives a great feeling when the weather is nice and warm.

But maybee I need the spring to inspire me. Like the little flowers and little plants coming out of the save ground, growing up to the sky. Maybee I'm in the same position right now.. Sometimes I feel that way. I feel I am in this period of changes, letting go of the past, and becoming more responsible and for myself and independent. Probably I'm just growing up.. Haha!

You know what.. I actually feel a little better after writing this! Maybee it reminds me of what I have to do, what my goals are and what I am trying to achieve.

Thank you so much for reading!

I really really hope you all are doing fine??

Lots of hugs
~ Char